Living

Just when you think you've licked another wound another death of a loved ones befalls opening a chasm so deep ones soul is swimming aimlessly?

Our last words to one another after eating lunch on last week were, "'We'll sit down after school and go through poetry, ideas for next term, and new film ideas."

How can one suffer so insurmountably breathing each pulse into her classroom instead of focusing on her...heart?

“Janice, now that your daughter is on the mend and she's moved out, this is your time to rejuvenate to begin to flourish again. You’ve spent so long taking care of her you've forgotten what your needs are, your desires and wants. In time I hope that you might meet someone special."

Janice laughs gently, shaking her head, "Oh Kathryn."

"I'm having enough troubles letting go of Caitlin. We see one another almost every day, but I worry so much about her safety, her health, her body."

One day in time you will release her to the world, just as she was brought into yours, and today that happened. You were taken from her and your boys without regard. Know that she will be loved, and they will be cared for, and your dream will live on in us.

As thoughts race to catch one another, to make sense, to grasp the truth, the reality that she won't be seated at her desk, as she's always been when I, when we, waltz in will take time to change course.  

 

"Overwhelmed is what I feel, Kathryn."
I can't stop hearing her tell me that again and again. Each lunch meeting, each day after school, and for what? Signs that all of us heard, words of encouragement to take time off, yet her determination to be with her students, her love of teaching and to remain interwoven kept her with us, perhaps too long. Perhaps to teach us all a lesson... be where you need to be. 

To know in her school community she is loved, so sincerely, so deeply, past her tenderness, and into the creative ideas, ingenuity, and joie de vive she unveiled. The influence that she had on each one of us pays tribute that so many people claim to have known her. She leaves us with a warm smile, her gentle touch, and a love so profound for her family and humanity.

Her physical frame didn’t exude the unrelenting depth of her being.

Janice taught us how to live.

Yearning for connection when physically it doesn’t exist now, possibly this is our call to reach out to one another, for the curriculum will always be there, but we won’t.

May she rest in Peace.

We love you Janice.