The family is to bare down on our home on the 13th
of December. Could we have gathered on any more of a superstitious day or have
fewer stars align in our constellation. Bare down might not seem joyous yet in
all families Christmas tension weighs heavy when we yearn for something that
might not be, in our power to control the outcome. Weeks prior I began praying
fruitlessly as my daily daydreams where filled with nightmares. I recalled not
a piece of scripture, a parable. ‘Look for goodness and you will see it, seek
mistakes and they will surely arise.” Like a junky I was roll playing every
possible scenario -trying to be the heroin that was going to solve it all. In
reality I wasn’t looking for the best, only playing out how I would control
others. 3 days of attending early morning mass brought this to my attention.
And, like all recovering addicts I needed God to realign my fraudulence. When I
have been accused of needing God by non-believers I am fervent when I express
my crutch for the Lord, my daily dose of reason that I crave, for my mistakes
are many.
Epicureanism flows like the Ganges at Christmas in the
western world, and our home was no different until a myriad of calls like a
spider’s web drained the elements of surprise from the day. It was now
sanitized. Like a world that wants to know what they will experience on their
travels, the element of the unknown is becoming the norm. Ah…..the joy of
satiating new flavors, scents, textures, and sights was gone.
Yet God always has a way of challenging those with open
hearts. I prayed daily prior to the 13th with extra fervency as the
day approached trying to rid my need to control and God never disappoints when
I release my grip. A Chinese gift exchange, everyone was to bring a gift, or a
re-gifted present of $10.00 or less. 12
members of my family jostled over unopened gifts in the living room after a
lengthy meal. Hearing the rattling of gifts, laughter, and pure jubilant mirth resonating
in the room for long moments still rings in my ears. Nothing could have
replaced these precious hours together.
I watched my family, those that had frustrated me, angered
me, and loved me for whom I was enjoying one another’s company. There is no
gift that can replace this, absolutely nothing. For hours we reminisced about
old Christmas’ amongst the hilarity of gravelling to figure out what to steal
from one another with these unopened gifts that we were dying to find out what
was inside. When the preserved duck eggs where finally revealed, along with the
72% dark chocolate, books, mini growlers, leather covers, and Filipino candy
what struck most was the essence of peace we had found in one another.
Christ had arrived in our home mainly in my heart. I hadn’t
ruined the day with my necessities. I had allowed the fluidity of a tributary
to weave, interweave naturally seeping into crevasses, clefts, and cracks
overflowing itself with amity.
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