Tough Love

 My husband and I have had so many discussions about our son's room that I can't recall if we have ever precipitated debate about anything else.

I believe in being firm, fair and friendly, yet with your own kids or my step kids or adults that is difficult. I've been called a dictator once and that hurt. I've learned a lesson or two over the years, that I might never get the gushy love that I might have thought I'd receive from them, but I do believe behind the tears of manipulation that have been present they respect me. I have never waivered from my stance. Tears have held strong for hours and I have said nothing but been there and eventually they have asked if it still holds true and the answer has always been yes. I expect a clean room of someone in their 20's, heck I expected that at 12 year old, along with doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
What has floored me is the lack of gratitude, or perceived gratitude and even more importantly to watch their father have to ask them again and again. He has given his life for these kids and he would continue allowing them to wrap him around their finger.
They are polite, yes, but we have enough polite people in the world, let's make accountable men, that I never have to say I've enabled.
I don't expect perfection, I expect effort, and someone that offers to do something without asking, that I don't believe has occurred yet. I feel more saddened by this than anything.
I feel that I have failed to demonstrate the myriad of times their father and I offer to assist with all aspects of the household. They have had role models forever, but that doesn't seem to matter.
When I feel that I am not working harder than my kids at doing their work, success will be had. I wish them love, luck and diligence, for in the real world, second chances come to those that succeed.